Dating is hard. It’s awkward, with pangs of phoniness throughout the whole ordeal in order to present the best version of oneself. If dating is hard for you, nubile and outgoing youth of Generation Y, dating is even harder for your less sociable, counterparts: the lazy people.
Lazy people, like myself, find it difficult to meet new and potentially exciting individuals. One may feign a headache over a night of drinking, only to return home and play StarCraft for hours straight with friends 7 time zones away. As for myself, I prefer to stay home and watch episodes of Family Feud with my grandparents as my grandmother successfully persuades me to share another Guinness with her. No love like a grandparent’s love ya’ll!
But, if we do not want to be alone—sans animals, the horror! —at the age of 35, we have to take the necessary steps to get out of our collective laziness and dive headfirst into the pool of young sexual tension (said pool happens to smell like AXE, a Bikram Yoga studio, and poor decisions)
Here are some steps to get you, my friend, out of your lazy funk
1. Shower: Never underestimate good hygiene.
2. Wash clothes: With laundry detergent. Nobody has time for dishwashing liquid!
3. Do not try to rekindle a past relationship: That is for lazy people and we are moving on! Plus, maybe you two broke up because you were lazy and NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
4. Don’t be discouraged!: This may be the reason why you became lazy in the first place.
5. If you drink, don’t have more than 3 before you try to have an intellectual conversation with a certain hottie. This goes for the daytime and I’m sure you don’t want to look like a bumbling fool in the middle of the day. The nighttime is a completely different beast. If you just want someone to bang, drink away my friend, but ALWAYS ask for consent.
6. Try online dating: My experience with OKCupid is uneventful, but it works for tons of people.
7. Make sure you want to date: Some people are happy in their solitude. That’s fine. Just make sure you want to meet new people and your friends or societal expectations aren’t forcing you. That could be bad for everyone.
8. Go out of your comfort zone: Go to a neighborhood you haven’t explored before. Hit up that art gallery you’ve always been bewildered by because of the shrunken heads on display. You never know where life may take you.
9. Allow people you love and trust to set you up: Sometimes these people know you better than you know yourself, so they SHOULD have good judgment on someone who can be a match for you. Mind you, they only get one shot! At least in theory.
10. Don’t be shallow: There are amazing people out there and my clandestine romantic heart says there is a special someone for everyone. If you want a relationship, you may miss him or her because they don’t fit your ideal of physical beauty. Sure looks are important, this is the 21st century dammit, but you have to go beyond the physical to truly find what makes a person right for you.
11. Be patient: Love sometimes happen when you’re not looking. Keep that in mind and enjoy the journey of romantic transformation.